My Husband is a Cyborg

Don't know if I told you this, but B loves to play video games. Probably as much as I love to enter contests or blog.  Maybe more.  Since I have known him he has played shooting games on Playstation (first the PS, then the PS2 and now the PS3 - when will it end), Star Wars games (of course) and then Mario Kart games on the Wii.  He likes to mix it up to keep everything fresh.  While playing the shooter games he would tell me how other players online could talk to each other because they have headsets and we would laugh and make fun of them and my usual line was "they don't have girlfriends or wives if they wear those."  Hilarious.  Until now.

Of course, you can guess that B decided he needed a headset after all.  You see, he has friends online playing these games.  And not as in friends he just made while playing these games, but real life friends that he "competes" against.  How else could he communicate with them other than his cell phone which was definitely not hands free.  So, for Christmas, B asked for a bluetooth headset (unfortunately a little ear one and not one that looked like an operator or else I would have much more blog fodder).  And, for Christmas, he received one from my parents.  Of course, he then immediately lost it which involved everyone checking their respective houses, cars and snow for it with no luck. No worries. He found it in the Boba Fett mug he also got as a present.  Yes, he is a dork.  

After the exciting events of searching for the headset, I completely forgot about it until yesterday.  As I was sitting in front of the computer doing important stuff* I repeatedly heard B in the other room cursing. Big foul curse words that start with the letter "F". You  know, the ones I say daily.  However, these were said forcefully, even...dare I say...dramatically.  After a few times, I decided to go in and lecture B:

Me: You know...this here [gesturing around the room] is supposed to be ENTERTAINMENT.  You do not sound entertained. You sound angry and stressed and the cursing is out of control.

B:  Huh.

Me: No. Seriously. What is the problem?

B: Just the game. [all nonchalantly]

At this point I notice the bluetooth in his ear:

Me: You look like a cyborg.

B: [laughs]

Me: Seriously. Is that on?

B: Yes

Me: Can they hear me?

B: [shrugs sheepishly]

Me: Well, if they can hear me, they probably don't recognize the sound of my voice as it is female and all and we know none of those people have girlfriends or wives.

B: [silent]

Me:  Are you going to be able to be entertained vs angry now?

B: [totally whispering even more sheepishly] shhhh...I can't talk now they can hear me.

Me: What? Are you kidding me?

B: [turns off bluetooth and takes it out]

B: No I am not. And, they could hear you. One guy said "Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me?" when you were talking.

Oops. I am sure that is not all they said. I am sure they cursed and called me names for calling them geeks and dorks without girlfriends/wives.**  Um, and if they could hear me without the bluetooth by my mouth, I am pretty sure that they could hear B whispering that he could not talk because they could hear them.  Way to submit.

So I left and decided to go to bed and leave B to his "friends" and his gaming.  Not even 5 minutes later he lets out another loud curse:

Me: I can HEAR you.

B: They banned me from the room because I was killing everyone and was so good.

Yes, I am sure that is why you were banned B.  Because you were awesome. I am sure it had NOTHING to do with what was said about your "friends."

I am a bad wife.

 

*By important I mean twittering and checking gmail and facebook nonstop. Priorities you know.

**Of course I realize that being a wife of someone that games totally takes away the stereotype that they don't have girlfriends or wives, but I like to think of B as the exception, not the rule.

Why B Should Watch More Reality TV

Vegas in Christmas was a lot of fun.  However, with the time change and B and I just being all...old or something, we did spend a couple of hours one day lounging in our bed watching TV before we went downstairs to lose more of our money.  While flipping through the channels, B stumbled upon the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion show.  Hilarity ensued - both on the show and in B's reaction.  Here is a recap of what occurred:

Upon landing on the channel, they show Kim talking.

B:  That girl has crazy hair.

Me: It is a wig.

B: Are you sure?

Me: Look at it - it doesn't move. And it is shiny. And plastic looking.

B: I don't think it is a wig.

Me: Trust me, it is a wig. In fact, I read somewhere maybe she was sick.

At that moment, in the midst of NeNe* and Kim hashing it out, Kim tells NeNe that she was hurt that NeNe made fun of her hair and said something like this (totally not word for word, just by memory):

Kim: It really hurt me when you made fun of my hair because I had cancer.

NeNe: I did not know you had cancer until this minute. I am sorry. I did not know.

Host: So, you have cancer.

Kim: Well I wasn't feeling good, and my hair started falling out...

B (yelling at screen): YOUR HAIR DOESN'T FALL OUT FROM CANCER. IT FALLS OUT FROM CHEMO.

Me: Are you going to be okay?

B: Really, this girl is nuts.

Meanwhile, back on TV:

Kim: ...and I went to the doctor and it turned out it wasn't that, it was something else...

Host: So you don't have cancer...?

Kim: No, but I am sick.

Host: Well, what is it.

Kim: It is something different, not cancer, but complicated. I don't want to talk about it.

NeNe: {silent but looking aghast}

Meanwhile, on the bed next to me:

B: WHAT??? She doesn't have cancer? WHAT??

Me: Are you going to be okay?

B: This bitch is nuts!** She just totally made that woman apologize for making fun of her hair because she had cancer and SHE DOESN'T HAVE CANCER.

Me: I know. That is funny.

B: That is INSANE.  And now she is acting like she has some other illness.  She is not sick. There is nothing wrong with her.

Me: Well, she does have some bad hair.

B did get over his disgust when things got really heated and NeNe decided she was going to TAKE KIM OUT. The only thing stopping her, of course, was that little housewife. Heck I don't even know her name.  B was like "why is the small one the only one holding her back?"  Probably because the others really just don't care.  Man, I love that show.***

B used to be a fan of reality shows and other TV shows, but like all shows, he eventually loses interest but tries to blame it on the show itself by saying it jumped the shark. This would be believable if it didn't happen to EVERY show he watched, usually in the second season.  Here are some examples:

The Hills - B was never a big fan but with the advent of Spencer, he used to sit and watch it with me because he loved what a tool Spencer was.  However, come next season B declared it had jumped the shark because it was too fake.  Huh? It was never all that real.

Lost - B and I faithfully watched it together for the first season. Come next season B declared it had jumped the shark because:

• there were too many TV commercials
• the commercials were too long
• they never explained anything
• they raised too many questions
• it was too hard to follow

However, I have since caught him secretly watching it the next day without commercials and most recently just a few minutes behind me with the DVR.  

The Real World - I would have to say that for our age group, The Real World played a significant part in our young adult lives.  B watched up until around a few seasons ago when he declared it jumped the shark because all they did was drink and have sex. Yes. We call that entertainment.

The Shield - another show we found together and enjoyed watching in bliss until B's declaration of shark jumping in about the third season, although I cannot remember what the reason was for this one.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - yes he watched this and I think he liked it. I forget all of their names now but he knew them and still does.  He may never have stopped on this one for all I know.  In Vegas, I even reminded him of the spinoff Date My Ex with Slade and that one housewife. He didn't believe me even though I told him about it no less than four times before it premiered. Sigh.

You see, B is not so much into reality shows or celebrities. This makes for difficult conversations in our house sometimes, as I am generally a fan of both:

Me: That Jamie Spears is brilliant.  We should send him to Washington to fix things. Heck, if he can fix Britney, what can't he do?

B: How did she fix Britney?

Me: What do you mean how did he fix Britney? Um, she has a new album, looks decent, with her kids...

B: Yes, but how did she have time with her new baby...

Me: Who's baby? Wait...what?

B: JAMIE SPEARS

Me: Oh. No. Jamie Spears the DAD not Jamie Spears the sister. Now THAT would be hilarious if the younger teenage sister with a baby could turn around Britney.  That would be something.

B: They are both named Jamie?

Me: Sigh

Or this one where I was watching The Girls Next Door and B happened to wander out:

Me: This is THE one B. This is the one where everything changes.

B: What do you mean?

Me: Where have you been hiding? Hef isn't dating them anymore. Now he has these two twins or something.

B: I KNOW that.

Me: Well, this is the one where he meets the twins.

B: Oh, I thought the twins took over the show and the other girls were no longer on it.

Me: Ha. Please.  That is not going to happen. At least not this year. Get with it.

B: Those girls' parents must be so proud...

He then spouted a whole litany of gripes, grumbles and bad words about how he REALLY feels about The Girls Next Door.

I will leave that to your imagination.

*I do not know if this is how it is spelled and I am too lazy to look it up. Forgive me.

**B may or may not have said "This bitch is nuts!" That could have just been what I was thinking at the time.

***I had only recently discovered this show about a week prior when I went to a party at my friend's house only to discover there were just three of us. Fun was had by all three. Such fun included Wii and Desperate Housewives of Atlanata marathon. And just like that...I was in love.

Big News is a Comin'...

Stay tuned for exciting news coming this weekend.  Until then, here are a couple of hints:

And don't worry, there is a scheduled post tomorrow, just not about this.

Soon...