Wednesday, October 13, 2010

If It Is Going to Be a Bad Day When You See a Werewolf, What Happens When You Are Standing Barefoot in the Cold?

Remember about a week or two ago when I said I had a bad day that started with a werewolf sighting?  Well, I topped myself without even trying.  Every week it is my job to take out the recycling on garbage day.  If I was not the hugest procrastinator around, I would do this the evening before.  That, however, is not in my nature.  So I do it the morning of pickup.  I had the routine down to a science, or so I thought.

You see, our front door does not self lock. Neither does our back door, but for an entirely different reason.  Often I have told friends, family, and delivery men not to worry about the door shutting or slamming behind me, "it won't lock me out."  You know what this means, right? IT FLIPPING LOCKED ME OUT.

Of course that would be the morning I elected not to wear socks or shoes despite the fact that it was under 50 degrees. I was also in a tshirt with wet hair having just gotten out of the shower.  No keys. No phone. No mad survivor skills.

It was 6:30 a.m.

It was dark. It was cold. I was PISSED. I think I said something like "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I looked around our very dark neighborhood. No one was up. And if they were, what where they going to do for me?  So I go to the back where we have a spare key in a lockbox. I don't know the code.


And it is dark and I cannot see. And I have no shoes. Did I mention that?  

I go back up front to see if I can force the door open and see the hip neighbor guy taking his garbage out. I run over there with my lockbox and scream "DO YOU KNOW THE CODE TO THIS?"  Sadly, he did not. But his wife did because she lets Jersey out for us occasionally. He invites me inside and then says "Are you not wearing any shoes?" 


So I got in and ready for work, although I never really got warm again. When I got to work I sent B a text that said:

FYI - Should you go outside with wet hair and no shoes on, you will get locked out in the dark having forgotten the code to the lockbox.

To which he replied:

Don't worry. I know it.

There is a lesson here folks.  Teach your dog how to open doors. Because, as it turns out, the door was not even locked.  The door handle on the outside just wasn't working properly. Had Jersey pushed down on the inside door handle, I could have gotten in. Instead she ran from window to window wondering what fun I was having outside.  I was having a blast. An arctic blast.

Tomorrow is garbage pickup day. What are the odds that I:
  1. Wear shoes
  2. Wear a sweatshirt
  3. Lock myself out
  4. Remember the code
  5. Learn any lesson from all of this
I better start training Jersey right now.

9 important things being said:

Anonymous said...

Haha! Thanks for sharing.

I once locked myself out of my house and had to run two blocks to my friends house, in my UNDERWEAR, to get my spare key.

Feeling your pain.

xx Jelly

sprinkles said...

I think you and I must be long lost sisters or something because you and I seem to have the same kind of luck, I swear! That's TOTALLY something that would happen to me!!! Only I don't have a neighbor that would know the code.

Laura said...

I think my worst locked-out experience was the time I came home from the supermarket, broke my key off in the front door, and had to make a panicked phone call ("I'm locked out and MY ICE CREAM IS MELTING!!!!"). About two minutes after making that call, I somehow managed to get the broken key to turn.

Anonymous said...

ummmm - locked myself out one night when we were in the hot tub...dead of winter and only a towel to wear...that was a learning experience.

*~Dani~* said...

indireneed - you are welcome. I love sharing my most embarassing moments with the world. However, I could not imagine running two blocks in my underwear to get a key unless it was dark. Hopefully it was not cold!

sprinkles - we very well be long lost sisters as my mother recently informed me of her promiscuous ways. TMI MOM

Laura - the best part of the story was your major concern over your ice cream. Did the listener care about the melting as much as you? At least you got inside in time to get to the freezer.

Anonymous - yes, but what did you learn? Hot tubs are a bad thing? How to hide a key in a towel? Maybe you should wear a swimsuit? Inquiring minds want to know.

Jennifer said...

How many digits is the code? I wonder if I could guess it?

*~Dani~* said...

Jennifer - I bet you could totally guess it.

Laura said...

Dani - No, the listener (my brother) didn't understand how dire the situation was! But that's probably my fault, for failing to end the sentence with "AND ALL THE SPOONS ARE IN THE HOUSE".

*~Dani~* said...

Laura - well, I think that should go without saying. Do you carry a spoon on you at all times now?

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