Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Just Another Manic Black Friday

Yes, this post is less than timely, but I still want to post it.  You see, B has this new thing where he shops on Black Friday.  I avoid even thinking about shopping on that day or the day after. B, however, thinks he has become a master because he does a "shop online, pick up in store" maneuver. This worked out quite well for him last year when he bought our 42" flat screen TV and then picked it up in the store about a half hour later with virtually no wait.

This year he decided we needed another smaller flat screen for the living room (the bigger one is in the den/game room).  Who am I to argue with this logic? So he orders from the same place, again to be picked up, but this time at a location closer to us.  This year was not like last year.  First, I went with him to pick it up although I did not know that at the time. It was like a surprise party that you didn't really want, but was forced to attend anyway.

We were on our way to help his sister move when he said we were going to make a "quick stop" to pick up the TV.  I told him that was NOT a good idea.  It was just before 11 and mad Black Friday shoppers were still out in force.  He dismissed my concerns.  After zipping into the parking lot, he parked, told me I could wait in the car, declared he would be "right back" and ran off.  For the next FORTY MINUTES I sat in that freezing car watching the shoppers go in and come out (usually without purchases interestingly enough), and wondered if we would ever get to help his sister move.

B finally called and told me to pull the car around as close to the door as possible.  It was obvious he had not been outside in some time as there was no way to just stop the car in front of the store with the steady and quite crazed stream of traffic in and out of the parking lot.  However, I made a valiant effort and managed to squeeze into a spot right outside the front door.  Although I would like to attribute this to my majorly awesome driving skills, the fact is the place was starting to clear out.  Either all of the specials were had or the shoppers needed lunch.  

Parked, I see no sign of B.  Try calling and get no answer. So I go inside and find him in the craziest longest line for "web pickup" ever. Seriously. There was NO ONE waiting to check out at the regular cashier but about 20-30 people in this line and the return line. Apparently some people had already purchased, took home, and were now returning their items from that morning. Then there was the lady there to get a price difference.  Not sure they honor those on Black Friday, but whatever. I was relieved to see B at the front of the line.

As I walk up, his transaction is complete and they tell us they will pull the item so we should step off to the side. B is disgusted and tells me there are only two people running for items and that "tall skinny guy better get his ass back here."  Oh, you mean the guy I just saw leave the store?  B was getting redder and angrier. I was kind of wishing I was back in the cold car.  In fact, I took that opportunity to go clean out the back of my car for the TV as I was not expecting to pick one up when we left.  When I return, B is in the same place ready to explode.  

So, he walks up to the first woman he sees who I believe to be a manager, based on her outfit, and asks her quite angrily if someone is going to help him. I do not know what B said exactly as I could not really hear, but I certainly heard and saw what came next:

The lady put her hand in front of her face, flat palmed, moved it in a circular motion over her face as if clearing it, pointed to herself and said to B:

"Are you talking to ME?"

I thought B's head was going to explode. I heard him yell something like "I'm talking to whomever will help me out" (with a lot of cursing involved as well), saw the guy next to B raise his eyebrows and turn away like he didn't want to be involved, and I just put my head into my hand.  I thought two things:

1. How are we going to get out of here with our TV in one piece without either this lady getting killed or B getting killed; and

2. How on earth did that lady think it was okay to say to a customer "Are you talking to ME?" like she was in an Al Pacino movie (or whatever guy movie that was from - guy bloggers - help?).

Amazingly enough, after that crazy reaction, the woman jumped into gear and TWENTY MINUTES later we were finally out of the store with the TV.  There was a problem "releasing" us so we went from cash register to cash register which also provided me with some amusement as at the first register, a guy came up to purchase stuff, saw how involved we were and went to the next register.  However, because of our problems we had to go to the next register, just in time to cut him off again before he could get his purchases rang up.  He, unlike B, did not yell.  Because of that, he still may be at the store waiting for his purchases to be rung up. Who knows.

B is of the opinion that nothing gets done unless you yell. I do not believe that to be true but he keeps proving it to me time and time again.  I did insist that he apologize to the woman and he did - twice.  In  her defense, she did also apologize to us at the end. For our wait. Not for her crazy mime demonstration and ridiculous comment, however.  Nope, I guess that was perfectly acceptable.

There you have it.  And here's the breakdown:

New TV $some hundreds of dollars
Blood Pressure medicine for B $10
Witnessing a manager of a store say "Are you talking to ME" while moving her hand over her face? 

Priceless.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Text Me Not

Remember that time I got an email from someone that thought she knew me? Well apparently I get text messages from people like that too.* Oh! And I am psychic.  Case in point...

Early in the morning I got a text from a friend. One of those pass it along texts. Kind of like a chain email, but cuter.  But that got me thinking later about people spam texting. Does that ever occur, I thought?  A short while later I was alerted to a text message as follows:

[insert 5 billion "Fwd:"s here] / // // /___/ /__________
that would be my heartbeat if i ever lost
you.  Send 2 everyone you care about 
including me!

Okay, my first thought was basically "okay..."  My second thought was "who the HELL sent THIS to me?"  And what were those lines about?  So I look at the phone number. Yep, I have absolutely NO clue who this is. Clearly, I do not know this person and clearly they do not know me.  If they had, I probably wouldn't have gotten such a message.  Now, rather than simply ignoring the text like a rational human being might, I decided to inform the person that we did not, in fact, know each other.  That was not as easy as you would think:

Me:  Who is this?
Text: KK [real name redacted]
Me: I don't know you?
Text: From [name redacted] technical school

HUH?  Okay, I REALLY do not know this person. Time to end this nonsense:

Me: Nope. You have the wrong number.
Text: You taught a cooking class there in 2005.

Seriously. The texter seriously said that! Me! A cooking class! Not only does she not know me, but she has clearly never read this blog.  Otherwise she would know about this, and this, and this.  Cooking teacher....ha.

Me: No. I did not. You have the wrong number.
Text: I guess if you do not remember me even though that's the number that was given to me.

Okay. I did not say I did not remember her. I said I AM NOT THAT PERSON. I never went to that school. I did not teach the class. You have the wrong number.  So what do I do? Of course...I call her:

Text:  Hello?
Me: It's Dani.
Text: Hi - you taught me a cooking class in 2005.
Me: No I did not. I have NEVER taught anything, let alone cooking. I am sorry, we do not know each other. And, actually, you would not want me to teach you cooking. Believe you me. You are better off.
Text:...okay...[clearly not believing she doesn't know me]

Meanwhile, I am IMing my Mom to inform her that I am busy arguing with a stranger about whether I know her or not.  Oh and she thinks I taught a cooking class.  I don't think my Mom ever laughed so hard in her life.  

The girl went on to say that SOMEONE gave her this number so I must be the teacher. I am not. I know it. She does not know it or refuses to know it.  I just hope she loses my number.  On another note...why would you wait almost four years to text an old teacher only to send them THAT message?  Really? You heart would stop beating if you ever lost me? How's it been for the past four years without me?

Still beating I bet.



*While looking up old posts to link, I forgot that this is not my first stranger text.  There was the one where the lady wanted me to babysit.   Not sure if mistaking me for a cooking teacher is funnier than a babysitter, but they both get chuckles from me.



Monday, December 01, 2008

Vampire Butter Breakfast

Over the years, B and I have established a Thanksgiving routine that goes a little something like this:

1. I go to breakfast with my family.
2. He goes to the football game with his friend
3. We meet up later and head to his family's dinner
4. We eat a lot and sleep well

The breakfast with my family thing is rather new but it is a way for me to eat a meal with them that day.  And, of course, you know I like me some breakfast.  In fact, we go to the same place that the EMMICD people go. Alas, none were there on Thanksgiving.  I guess on a holiday they can eat "real" food, or at least give dairy the day off.

There were five of us at breakfast (my brother brought his girlfriend and God love them, they had to eat 3 meals that day - breakfast, lunch and dinner. Holiday meals, my friend, not just ordinary meals. And I thought WE ate a lot).  We sat around eating and just chatting about this, that and the other.  Almost all of us ordered omelets except my Dad who is a rebel and ordered a waffle. Why am I telling you our breakfast orders? There is a point. Trust.

With our breakfast came toast. I love toast.  This time I noticed it was quite buttered. In fact, I could actually see the butter piled up on the toast.  This is unusual because normally it is barely buttered.  I  chalked it up to good holiday spirit on behalf of the cook. First mistake.  After my first few bites, I noticed it had a garlic taste to it.  I decided I was crazy and ignored it while also subconsciously scraping the butter off my bread.  Second mistake.  This went on for my entire meal. Multiple mistakes.  I even ate two slices of my mom's toast. I love toast.

My bro, who declares that he loves toast because it is a "built in dessert -mmmm jelly on bread" bites into his toast and immediately says "this tastes strange."  I tell him it has a garlic taste to it. That is when it finally hits me - the cook totally buttered our toast with garlic butter.  The kind you put on that toast - garlic toast.  It tasted liked it and looked like it.  And it was.  My bro threw down his toast in disgust because apparently jelly and garlic butter on toast is no dessert.  Despite having eaten 6 pieces myself, I decide I have lost my appetite.  Or was I just full? Who knows.

We told our waitress who investigated and found out in the mad "rush" that morning, the cook had in fact buttered our toast with the wrong butter.  She apologized and offered us more toast. Even I could not take her up on that.   And because she was so sweet and so apologetic and it was a holiday, we left her a 30% tip.

We totally paid them to give us the wrong butter.

Happy Thanksgiving!*



*I know Thanksgiving was four days ago, but who has time to post when they are full after eating a lot, sleepy and trying to digest garlic butter?

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