Monday, September 22, 2008

The Dinner That Almost Wasn't (a/k/a My Battle With a Can of Corn)

After my recent success with crockpot cooking, I decided that Sunday I would have another bout at it.  I also decided to attempt my lifelong dream of baking from scratch.*  Armed with this recipe for Applesauce Chicken from the lovely Crockpot Lady and this recipe for Chocolate Chip Oreo Cookies from Picky Palate, I embarked on my Sunday journey of cooking.  Of course, as all of you readers know, nothing is ever that easy for me.

First, the chicken recipe called for chicken, which I guess goes without saying but I said it anyway. Great! I have frozen chicken, I thought, and the recipe said frozen would work.  I mixed together all of the ingredients for the sauce and got out the chicken.  That is when I noticed that being the brilliant chef that I am, I froze the chicken in its original packaging.  Yes - it was frozen to that piece of styrofoam tray.  Grr!  So there I am running it under water, utilizing a knife to free the chicken.  That is when the doorbell rings...

The day prior, Saturday, the campaigners were out in throes.  I just shut my door and they went away.  I figured the same could not happen twice in a row and certainly not on a Sunday!  So I left the front door open.  There I am, hand deep in half frozen chicken with some fool at the door ringing the doorbell incessantly.  I did what any rational person would do...ignored him.  Yes, I totally ignored a ringing doorbell despite the fact that my door was wide open. That is what they get for disturbing me while I am making dinner! We all know that I cannot afford distractions!

I finally get the tray removed, dump the chicken and the sauce into the crockpot and wonder if B will even like this dish.  You see, I generically told him that we were having chicken stuff because I was not sure if he liked applesauce or even apples.  I am such a risk taker!

While dinner was slowly cooking I made the cookies.  The.Best.Cookies.Ever. Seriously! And I was super proud of the fact that I made them from scratch and that I did not burn them since it took my oven almost four times the amount to bake called for in the recipe. Stupid oven!  B said they were good too observing, however, that they were quite large "like cookie pancakes."  (They were not that large).

As dinner was almost done and riding high on my successes so far, I ask B if he wants corn with the chicken and the rice I planned.  B says corn is always good. This is usually true.  Not tonight though.  I pull out the can of corn with the pull top opener and think how great it is that I do not have to use the can opener.  I stand over the sink and pull gently and nothing happens.  I pull harder and slice right into the ring finger on my right hand!  I yell for B.  Blood gushes everywhere.  B is slow to respond. I tell him I need band aids.  He comes in and runs for a towel.  Once he starts applying pressure, it starts to hurt. Bad. I start to cry. B is asking me if I think I need to go to the hospital.  I just cry and say it hurts.  Finally he looks at the cut (after making me turn away) and declares we need to "pack it up" we are headed to the ER.   Despite the pain, I knew that I could not go to the ER in the hoodie I was wearing (a freebie with the name of a40 oz beer on it) and sobbed for him to take it off me.  He asked me if there was any other outfit I wanted to change into.  I looked at him like he was nuts.  And then we were off with B wondering if they would think he somehow did this to me.  Ha! Even the ER people knew this story was so ridiculous no one would make it up!

Luckily we were only there for an hour and I only needed 3 stitches.  However, the slice is right at the knuckle/joint line at the top of my finger so bending will be quite painful and I was told I will have quite the scar.  A battle wound I would like to say.  And do you know how embarrassing it was to look at the ER form and see "can of corn" as mode of injury? I am SO tough.  When the doctor told us she hates when she sees "saw" show up on the screen, I was mortified to think that "can of corn" showed up on there. She assured me it only said laceration.  I am pretty sure she was lying since on her way out the door she said "watch out for those cans of corn."  They are all laughing at me still; I know it.  Just like my Dad who laughed through my entire story and thanked me for sharing it.**  Hey - no problem, nothing like a little blood loss to spice up everyone's day.

So here I am, typing with about 7 fingers and it is driving me crazy.  That and it is a constant reminder of my enemy - the can of corn!  Only frozen from now on said B and I think I will have to agree.  Oh - and the dinner? We ate it when we got home.  Thanks to the crockpot it was still warm.  And it was good! I declared it the "best chicken ever."  B said it was good and tasted like an apple cinnamon bagel.  Um...okay.  He liked it and that is all that mattered.  And the cookies? The 8 big pancake cookies? They did not even make it to today. Obviously a big hit. Almost as big of a hit as my corn story!  Nothing like lunching with clients and having to explain why you cannot shake their hand and your colleague asking if you want him to cut your food up for you.  I am so tres chic.

*My dreams come and go so "lifelong"is absolutely meaningless in this sentence.

**My Dad did express the proper amount of concern as well.  And at least he did not laugh only when I told him I cried like someone else I know!  Glad my pain and tears caused you so much humor. *smooches*

7 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

I can't decide if I want to laugh or cry. How very very sad, but yet so so funny :(. Next time, you should have corn on the cob!

*~Dani~* said...

Don't worry - I cried and laughed. It is both a sad and funny tale. As I said, this blog doesn't write itself. A lot of sacrifice is to be had along the way. Oh and a guy at work said I would have been better off paying the additional 27 cents to buy fresh corn too.

Bloggers Bro J to tha O to tha N said...

I guess there is never a dull moment in your life! Reading your re-cap of the event had me in stitches all over again. The chicken dish sounds good. Did you use the exact recipe or did you doctor it up a little? Also, does the recipe call for tears or will it turn out ok if I dont have any available?? Glad the cookies turned out good. Sounds like they were a "cut above the rest" I love the way you write in these may sound corny, but you seem like a very sharp girl=)

*~Dani~* said...

Bro - you really are TOO much. That comment had me laughing so hard I almost cried again. Good thing I didnt as you would have only laughed at me again!

Anonymous said...

hahah poor you!

Definitely go with the corn on the cob next time!

So@24 said...

So did you get any blood on the corn or was it salvaged?

*~Dani~* said...

Jamie - I am telling you. It is awful typing with 7 to 8 fingers. Corn is evil!

so@24 - the corn was bloody and unsalvageable. We could have rinsed it off but I was bitter and B did not appear interested.

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