Monday, August 09, 2010

They Know Your Every Step. Especially When You Tell Them Your Every Step. Also, Reindeer Are Super Fast.

So the last time I posted, Brad has escaped but miraculously returned the next morning like a grimy Christmas present.  You will also recall that I had quite the conversation with the delivery place whom we thought were the reason for Brad's Great Escape. Turns out it wasn't so, but in the meantime a strange thing happened. Or so I thought.

After I finished yelling at the operator, she told me that she could tell me which branch delivered my package. I gave her my zip code, she told me what branch and then proceeded to tell me they don't have a phone number. I found this hard to believe but just declared "I WILL JUST GO THERE IN PERSON AND DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MY DRIVER. GOOD DAY!"  

And then I didn't give it anymore thought until I came home, discovered the ripped screen and told B that I didn't think the delivery place had anything to do with it.  I did not tell him, however, that while he was out searching for Brad, the delivery place drove by. He probably would have been angry that I didn't chase the driver down.

The next day after Brad was safe and sound and I was back at the office, I received a text from B indicating that the delivery place had called him and told him that they spoke to the driver who remembers seeing Brad on the catio. B told them not to worry, Brad may have been spooked, got supercat strength and busted out the screen. Not their fault.  Well, not really.

Meanwhile I sat in my office perplexed.  How did the delivery place know to call B? How did they get his number? When I called, I only gave them our zip code. I did not call from B's number. Hell, I didn't even call from my number.  I considered this an amazing show of just HOW GOOD THEIR TRACKING COULD BE. I discussed it a lot with my coworkers and would say things like:

"How did THEY know?"
"Did they just ask EVERY driver if it saw a cat?"
"Did they just narrow down deliveries in that time frame?"
"Did they narrow down deliveries by zip code?"
"Do they have a satellite?"
"Are they watching me RIGHT NOW?"

Yes, I would look up and around the ceiling at that last one.  By the time I got home I was full of conspiracy theories and thought we might have to run like Will Smith in that movie where they were tracking him all over when he mistakenly took a package in a store and the woman behind me in the theater kept gasping at "ALL OF THAT TECHNOLOGY."

So I came home prepared to tell B that we were going to have to pack light and really, how does one go on the lam with three cats and a dog, when B said:

B: What in the hell are you talking about?
Me: The delivery place! They knew to call you! I didn't give them ANY information.  They have satellites. They are watching us.
B; What...what?
B: I emailed them yesterday.
Me: THEY KNOW EVERYTHING WE DO!!!...wait, what?
B: I. Emailed. Them.
Me: Well, hell, why didn't you tell me that? That makes a lot more sense.
B: Doesn't it?

So the delivery place isn't watching me. Allegedly. They are still suspect. Don't worry though, I am sending Vicky after them.

On a completely different topic, watch the video below. This man's wife literally gets taken by a reindeer and he does NOTHING. He barely moves.

I would like to think if we were in the same situation, B would at least TRY to run after me. However, I may be mistaken. B's response was "reindeer are REALLY fast."  Well, gee thanks. Apparently, I don't have much to worry about though as B assures me I would never be somewhere where I would have to wear a big furry parka, outside in the snow with a reindeer in the vicinity.

He is probably right. Just to be safe, I am going to get one of those kid leashes for us. If the reindeer gets me, he is coming along too. Ha!

6 important things being said:

Ruth said...

Remind B there are reindeer in Greenfield Village during Holiday Nights. Granted they're in a fenced in area, but you never know what they're capable of.

sprinkles said...

Your labels are almost as funny as the post itself!

Unknown said...

Never accept deliveries from anyone who drives a fish truck. You know the ones you see all the time that are all white with no writing at all except "FISH" on the back door? The delivery itself is a diversion so they can snatch your kitty (hehehe), implant a tracking and recording device and mysteriously released "unharmed." What you need to ask yourself is why you? Hmm...

*~Dani~* said...

Ruth - OMG you are right! This could totally happen to me and you know I would be wearing a huge parka because it is always SO cold when we are there. B and I are going to have to practice some tactical maneuevers.

sprinkles - Ha! Thanks, girl!

SisterMerryHellish - did you teach at my Catholic grade school? Also, I have never seen such a truck and don't usually have fish delivered to my house, however I will be wary. I do think, though, the real question isnt "why" but "what" as in "what the heck kind of information do they expect to get from a house cat who mostly takes naps and looks out the window." Those mysterious spies are so mysterious.

Jennifer said...

Well, reindeer would have to be fast animals. How else would they get Santa around the globe in one night????

*~Dani~* said...

Jennifer - good point. That Santa is a wise old man to employ reindeer even though they are an apparent threat to women in furry parkas.

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