Thursday, April 15, 2010

How Was I Supposed to Know French Toast was Bread Especially When it Tastes Like Dog?

Remember how I gave up bread for Lent and no one knew what that meant? Well, it didn't get any easier in those 40 days. FYI - Lent is 40 days long. That is hella long when you cannot eat bread or sweets.

Anyhow, I was constantly having to answer questions about whether a particular item was considered bread. Wasn't bread a starch? Isn't pasta a starch? How can you eat pasta? Or - rice is a grain, bread is made with grains - YOU ARE CHEATING! It was like taking the LSAT all over again. Sometimes I just gave up and agreed with people.

It was a tough 40 days.

However, I was doing good. No bread. No toast. No bagels. It was a sad existence but I was prevailing. I was a winner. That is, until shortly before my trial. B wanted to go out to breakfast which is unusual for him. In fact, I think he ordered lunch. Actually, I think it was almost lunch time, I just hadn't eaten breakfast. Anyhow, none of that is the point.

This is the point.

We ordered our food (whether breakfast or lunch) and eagerly awaited for it to come. Once the plates were delivered, however, I suddenly gasped - LOUDLY:

B: What is it?
Me: This is TOAST.
Me: I have a giant plate of TOAST.
B: What did you order?
Me: Um, french toast...
Me: That's BREAD.
B: No shit.
Me: I hope God forgives me.

So, yes, I messed up by eating something with the very name of the thing I gave up. Seriously. It couldn't have been any worse unless I ate, I don't know, BREAD.

Also, disturbing? The French Toast tasted like Jersey. I know what you are thinking - "are you insane in the membrane?" Perhaps. But when I was eating the french toast I thought it tasted like Jersey, or had the same consistency? No, I have never eaten dog and I certainly haven't eaten Jersey. I imagine, however, that is what it would have tasted like. I even shared this with B. He must be used to my insane commentary because he didn't even blink. Later, however, he grabbed a piece, shoved it in his mouth and in between chewing said:

"This doesn't taste like Jersey at all."

As if that was a perfectly acceptable thing to think, but I was just wrong.

God, I love that man.

Also, God, I am sorry that I ate toast that I should have known was bread because the recipe is basically "dip BREAD in egg and grill it."

39 out of 40 ain't so bad is it?

3 important things being said:

j'lynn said...

You did great!!! :) Way to go D!

Mine on the other hand...major failure!

Don't worry, since I fail every year I have learned~~God will forgive you for your one meal of bread, he forgives me for the 39.5 days I mess up on! ;)

Andhari said...

Not so bad at all. lol you can't be blamed because your mind playing tricks on you. After all, depriving yourself from certain food for that amount of time will make you want it more :p

*~Dani~* said...

jlynn - Thanks girl! You tried to give up swearing, didn't you? No one can do that. At least I know I can't. Failure every time. Such a sailor mouth.

Andhari - yes, I think it was the deprivation that made me think my meal tasted like my dog...yes, that is it.

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