Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Shreds a Finger

Last week I was having problems with my assistant. She wasn't assisting me. At all. Not only that, but what she was doing reached new heights of problematic so I took it up with my HR guy. Later, my colleague reported that my assistant was in there talking to the HR guy:

J: Sounds like HR guy is having a meeting with your assistant.
Me: I was wondering. Can you hear them?
J: Not really. Sometimes I can. It cuts in and out. I could definitely tell that it was her talking about the things you emailed her. *
Me: Oh good. I hope she doesn't plan on killing me later.
J: Ha. Ha.
Me: It's all fun and games until someone has a weapon.
J: Go and take her scissors out of her desk. Although I guess she could always try to stab you with a pencil.
Me: Great! I have already suffered one scissor injury already. Another one would just make this week PERFECT.

Yes, I had already been cut with scissors. The night before. By my HUSBAND. You see, my mother decided to gift me with these scissors that I guess would be called shredding scissors. They have many blades and can shred documents. Although not credit cards. Trust. I have the injury to prove it.

B was very eager to test out these new scissors and I insisted they could cut up credit cards. In fact, I was going to hand him one to cut up RIGHT THEN. So I leaned over with the card and B totally cut my finger. I immediately screamed "LOOK WHAT YOU DID" to which he responded "it is so deep it is not even bleeding yet." Nice.

Then it started bleeding. Yes, I thought I might have to get stitches. No, I did not. Yes, I had to beg B to help me put a band aid on it despite the fact that he is the one that injured me. So he slapped some Neosporin on it and declared "It will be healed in 5 days. That is what the tube said." For the record, there is a scar.

And I still have that damn credit card.**

*Apparently my assistant did not like my helpful emails pointing out her problematic assisting.

**But I don't have that assistant anymore.

***I win.

3 important things being said:

Marketing Gurl said...

OMG...how is it with your assistant. I bet she surfs the internet all day. What if she is one of your followers...or for that matter if you read her blog regularly...ha ha...this is funny though. Tell B no more scissors.

Jennifer said...

Umm, I am pretty sure you can cut up credit cards with regular scissors. Why would you need special ones??

*~Dani~* said...

Marketing Gurl - she did surf the internet a lot. She didn't remember to do anything. But I am pretty sure she is not a follower and honestly probably doesnt even know what a blog is. That would be awfully funny though. B is no longer allowed to have scissors. This is partly because of this incident and also because he broke my favorite pair when he decided to use them as a tool for something other than cutting.

Jennifer - Yes, you can. But you cannot SHRED them. Well, I suppose you could cut them into tiny little strips, but it is so not the same. But easier. And probably safer.

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