Monday, April 05, 2010

It Really Isn't Easter Until You Have Insulted the Easter Bunny in a Passive-Aggressive Letter

Good things happen when computers break. It is true, just ask my Mom. Her computer broke about a month ago and it took about a week to fix. She said she would be okay. She was wrong. Toward the end of the week she started cleaning! Cleaning! I told the computer guy to put a rush on her computer. He got it to me the next day.

Good things come when your Mom's computer is broken and she starts cleaning. What good things? Oh maybe letters you wrote as a kid that she dug up from some old trunk in the garage that until that moment in time was mainly used as an indicator that your car was up as far as it could go. The trunk is kind of dented.

Good things come in letters written by children. Especially letters to the Easter Bunny. Do children even write letters to the Easter Bunny? Where do you send it? I need answers! I should have answers because as you can see below I wrote one myself. Wherever it was supposed to be sent, it obviously just went to my Mom. I don't mean to ruin the surprise, but I am pretty sure she was the Easter Bunny. Don't tell the children.

I would like to say I was very young when I wrote this. However, I signed my name in cursive. Also? It is quite deep for a child. Peruse for yourself:

In case you cannot read that clearly, it says:

Dear Easter Bunny,
I, Yesterday watched: the Easter Bunny is coming to town. It was cute, but some of it was scary. Have a Happy Easter. You know what Easter is really when Jesus died on the cross, not really eggs and other stuff like jelly beans and things. I think you shouldn't even come to kids houses because you know it's really to think about Jesus and when he died. But it's still fun having you.

And the second page...

My bedroom is a MESS. I still want you to come. I LOVE YOU.


That, my friends, is the very definition of Catholic guilt. When your religious side clashes with your secular side at such a young age, there is nothing to do than to try to rectify it by insulting the Easter Bunny while inviting him into your messy bedroom. Just like the Catholic church. Or dating.

So, with that, I hope that the Easter Bunny visited your house, messy or not, and brought eggs and jelly beans and all that "stuff." Or, if you are religious, I hope you thought a lot about Jesus and his death.

But I hope he didn't visit your house literally. That would have the makings of a bad horror flick.*

*Is there such a thing as religious horror genre for films like a religious porn genre?**

**Wait. Is there a religious porn genre? Don't tell me if there is. I liked it better when I didn't know the answer.

4 important things being said:

Andhari said...

LOL I happen to think you're already so wise and mature in such young age. I would've asked easter bunny to bring me lots of sweets if I write a letter :p

Debbie said...

This is great! Totally know about the Catholic guilt thing. My room is still messy as it was when I was young. Some things never change.

Jennifer said...

OMG. That is a great letter. Good for you for telling the Easter Bunny the real meaning of Easter and how he is just the commercial part. However, you ruined it when you told him you loved him and still wanted him to come over. Hysterical.

*~Dani~* said...

Andhari - given my love for chocolate and anything sweet, I am surprised I didn't ask for more things too!

Debbie - You are right. Catholic guilt and messy rooms - lifelong habits.

Jenny - Nothing like telling the Easter Bunny how it is. Maybe one day Lucas will stop crying long enough to do the same. And of course I ruined it, I was still a kid! Commercialism was made for kids.

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