Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Facebook: Bringing People Together and Announcing Premature Deaths

I found out that a close friend of mine, whom I had lost touch with over the years, died recently. Facebook told me. I did not want Facebook to inform me of such a thing. I would rather a person have done so. That someone somewhere would have known upon my friend's death to call me and let me know. To make sure that I appeared at the memorial. But I guess that is a lot to ask when you last spoke to your "close" friend over six years ago.

So Facebook had to break the news to me. Unlike a grieving friend or family member, Facebook does not ease you into such things. It just blindsides you. There are you happily searching to see if your friend is on Facebook so you can quickly and secretly find out what he has been up to without going through the song and dance of "why didn't you call me in the past 6 years" when you are slapped in the face with this in the search results:

Remember [your close friend's name here]

A group to remember someone with your friend's name. Remember seems to imply "gone." And that sounds awfully ominous, but you think it is no big deal because prior searches have shown that there are hundreds of people that share the same name as your friend. Surely it is someone else's friend you think. Then you read the profile and see that this person is also a father and an artist and you know, it is your friend. You look through the people in the group and they are all from your area. Finally, you find a picture.

It is him. Your friend that is a father. Your friend that is a respected artist.

Your friend that is dead.

Goodbye, Kevin. I wish I had been a better friend.

10 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

So very sad. Hopefully his children (child) will be able to read find the facebook group one day and read all the fabulous memories people have of their father. May he rest in peace.

Oh, and you are not a bad friend.

Kacie said...

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.

Living Dees Life said...

I'm so very sorry, Dani!!


j'lynn said...

I'm so sorry Dani. :(

J said...

Wow that is an absolutely terrible way to find out about a death of a friend or loved one :(

Debi said...

Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this again, it is never easy.

That is beautiful and I really believe that he is reading it and saying:

Don't worry, I am at peace and you were a good friend, but as good friends go, we drifted apart,because we knew we always had time to connect again to see how each of us was doing.But, sometimes alot of things are not finished before we are called home, to our new life,our new journey.
So don't feel guilty, just remember the good times, think of me sometimes and say my name, and then I will never be forgotten, that would be a great friend!


Whia said...

there really is a downside to everything...and facebook, no matter how useful it is in keeping us in touch, is no exception to that. i've experienced that too but it has nothing to do with death... but still, it's something that i don't want to find out through facebook.

*~Dani~* said...

Jennifer - his son has already found it and posted which was sweet. As for me, I do not think I was a bad friend. I just couldn't be the friend he needed me to be. I wish I could have, but I couldn't. That is what I meant.

Kacie - thanks, girl.

Blaez - thanks for the hugs, girl.

jlynn- thanks. I am probably better off not having had to go to this memorial in light of Amy's.

J - it really is. But, then again, without Facebook, who knows if I would have ever found out, right?

Mom - you give the best advice and make a girl feel at peace!! xoxo

Whia - welcome! And you are right. With each new technology, there are downsides as well as up sides. I am sorry for whatever loss you experienced. It is hard, even if it isn't death.

j'lynn said...

Dani~~I thought of your Amy when I read this post. :(

BTW, your mom does give the best advice. I may need to hi-jack her to my blog! :)

*~Dani~* said...

jlynn - I knew you would think of Amy since you were there for me during that time. I will have to send my Mom over to your blog!

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